The struggle is Real!

Do you sometimes just look at your hair and think to yourself “fuck it! I hate my hair! I should just get a perm!” Well so do I. This natural hair struggle is so real and we are not even joking about it. You wake up one morning and your silk scarf is nowhere to be found on the bed and your hair is like that of a lion or maybe worse and you look into the mirror and see yourself as some monster and don’t know where to start with this hair. Imagine if you wake up late and all this happens and you have no time to fix your hair…girl i’m sorry but shit happens. Keeping your hair natural will  definitely not be always rosy but it’s definitely worth it.

I know as Naturalistas we go through similar struggles and one main and very annoying struggle is fairy knots. I’m sure we all get fairy knots once in a while and when you see it your heart just beats faster than normal or you take it very calmly and look at that knot and just shake your head because you know this thing is impeding your length goals.

I asked a couple of natural hair friends and one person stated her struggle was that her hair refuses to grow. And I’m like wait a minute! me too! I’ve been natural for about 5 years and I look at my hair and see no growth at all. i’m expecting it to be waist length by now because 5 years is really that long. I go on YouTube and IG and I see people posting their hair growth after 1 year and i’m wondering where did I pass? what am I doing wrong/ or is my hair finished? I know that last part can’t happen but really is that all the hair I have?? I’m beginning to think the more coily your hair is the more difficult it is for you to see growth. I’m a type 3c/4a/4b (my hair decided to come in different curl patterns which totally sucks) and I see my length goals and ask myself when am I going to ever reach that length but I guess its patience. The secret they say is patience and I think healthy eating and of course lots of water.

What is natural hair without split ends? I think split ends are inevitable. I’m not saying it’s a good thing if it happens but your old hair gets weaker and may eventually start to split after some months and if you are taking care of your hair well then this will happen less often. This is when you know you need to get the trim, One of our worst fears. Some of us , if not most are so scared of trimming our hair because that means your hair is going to look shorter and I know we all crave length. So when someone asks you ” why does your hair look short?”. Your reply “I just recently got a trim” and someway somehow that makes you feel more satisfied than actually acknowledging you have short hair.

Let’s not forget WASH DAY! As much as I like to keep my hair healthy and clean, I dread wash days. This is a whole workout routine and i’m not joking. If you are as lazy as I am and hate exercising then i’m sure you will understand me more. Wash day means spending over an hour on just your hair  not to talk of an added hour or two when you want to twist your hair or braid it so you can get amazing twist-outs. I take this exercise as my arm workout-no need for the gym.

I know a lot of us struggle with shrinkage especially if you have 4c hair. You try so hard to pre-poo, incorporate protein treatments in your regimen, deep condition etc and you do this for over a year but the length never shows- its just stagnant as if you are not doing enough. You end up hating your hair for shrinking so much and wonder why you ever decided to go natural. So guess what? we take pictures of a stretched out section of our hair so the world sees you’ve actually got some length, it’s just been hiding(I do that too). Well, Shrinkage is really not bad at all. That is just how our hair texture is and there is nothing absolutely nothing you can do to prevent shrinkage so why don’t you just accept it? Shrinkage comes with our curly, coily hair type and unless you keep straightening your hair (which is bad advice), shrinkage will follow you the rest of your natural hair life( which should be forever. Don’t be tempted)

Some of us may read this blog post and totally relate, others (those thinking of going natural) may feel scared and think i’m giving them more reason not to go natural. Let’s not forget that with success comes pain. If you are willing to go through the pain and the struggles then you are ready to enjoy the fruit of your labour. You can’t have it all good or expect to have a smooth path but the result is totally worth it and worth trying. I would choose my beautiful curly-kinky natural hair any day and go through all these struggles over and over again.


Coconut milk may be the last thing on your mind when it comes to conditioning your hair but it really is moisturizing and helps with very dry and brittle hair. Coconut milk is rich in Vitamin B, C, iron and fatty acids. So yes! it came to save your hair. So next time you buy that coconut don’t let the coconut meat go to waste. Keep it and let’s put it to a better use.

My hair had been very dry for about 2 week because I run out of conditioner and my fridge was very empty (no kitchen hacks could save my hair). Fortunately, I got some fresh coconut one morning on my way to work (that coconut water was so refreshing for it was a very hot day) and saved the coconut meat for my experiment. I researched on how to prepare coconut milk at home and It was easier than I thought.


In making your coconut milk, first put the coconut meat in a blender. Add hot water (not boiling) and blend. Sieve your blended coconut to get the milk. Keep blending the food that remains in the sieve until you get enough milk. Voila! you have your coconut milk.

  • I mixed my coconut milk with 3 tablespoons of honey, 2 tablespoons of melted Shea butter, and a bit of au naturale knot-out conditioner.
  • Wash your hair with the shampoo of your choice. Don’t forget to rinse with warm water.
  • Section your hair and apply your coconut milk and honey mixture to each section while d detangling hair with a wide-tooth comb, your fingers or your detangling brush.
  • Cover with a poly bag and wait for 30 mins.
  • Rinse with cold water.
  • Apply your LOC and leave to air dry.

My experiment did not turn out bad. The only down to this was the mixture was very light. I probably used too much coconut milk or made my milk too light so it created a lot of mess. It was quite difficult to detangle my hair in the beginning because my hair was very dry. I added more of the detangling conditioner to make detangling easy (I used just a little in the beginning). However, this was not a fail since my hair came out just like I wanted-soft, moisturized, curly and healthy. This is going to be one of my go-to DIY deep conditioning techniques and I totally recommend it.

Products used

  • Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus shampoo
  • Au Naturale Anti shrinkage Knot-out conditioner
  • Biocare Curls&Naturals Leave-in conditioner
  • Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Smoothie
  • Fresh Coconut and pure honey from Vanessa’s village
  • Raw Shea butter from Tamale, Northern Ghana

Please check out the short video of this routine on ig- @dija_torbay


Thanks guys!! Don’t forget to leave a comment.